Through the Haze of Emotions

A Year of Noticing - Day 256

How can I convey the thickness in the air that I noticed today?

With each breath I took in, I could almost feel the smoke from the wildfires that are raging around our province scraping and cutting against the fragile lining of my throat and lungs.

While the smoky skies created haze and muted, coloured hues across the sky, my emotions seemed to emerge with more clarity.

hazy sunset

My heart felt both deeply saddened by the devastation and the sheer number of displaced people from this crisis, far from their homes, their safe place, their comfort and their land. At the same time, my heart felt warmed by the compassion as the entire province engaged in “Manitoba Day of Caring for Wildfire Evacuees”. More than 30 radio stations across our province of 1.5 million people came together to show their care, support and an opportunity to give of time, money and resources to those impacted by the fires currently engulfing large portions of land in many areas around our province.

My tender emotions were close to the surface, each asking for a voice at different times. While I was driving I felt tears one moment as a song played and I contemplated so much kindness and support from people around our province (and around the country), and rage in another (when a driver sped up and raced past me instead of slowing slightly as I asked to be let in). The rage was more connected to disappointment of showing care and compassion for others, and massive shift from a moment earlier. Moments later, I was filled from head to toe and heart to soul with immense gratitude for a deep connection and support from a friend I’ve recently reconnected with.

Emotions are energy in motion, they show up, ask to be noticed, named, seen or heard, moved or released, and make space for another to move through…

I channelled many of these emotions with action, as often our emotions are signposts or signals that can prompt action. Some of the actions were tears, screaming in my car, hand on heart with gratitude, a deep breath to regulate… and I took all the worry I have been experiencing about those who are displaced to seek out an opportunity to volunteer with one of the partner organizations supporting the Red Cross in assisting all those impacted by the wildfires.

I saw compassion in action, and as I served coffee and tea, something so small - each person thanked me… and I felt humbled to be able to offer a small comfort in adding just the right amount of cream or sugar (or coffee mate) to the liking of each person. Each person expressed gratitude for the care they were being shown, through one of the most challenging experiences of their lives.

Through the hazy skies, my body experienced the dance of the heavy air as the emotions surfaced, emerged and each part of being human - tears of sadness, screams of rage, heartfelt gratitude, worry into action … and prayers to the Creator to support us all as we journey through the haze, healing and finding wholeness.

xo

Today, I also was thinking back to my post about Mother Earth (as she too is sharing her emotions) a few weeks ago:

And sometimes there are more than one emotion that show up at a time…

Holding Two Emotions at Once: Lessons from the First Winter Storm That Wasn’t

Tending to Emotions in a Fertile Space