Tending to Emotions in a Fertile Space
A Year of Noticing - Day 83
What’s cozy and comforting is often things that are familiar. At the same time, sometimes we need to go beyond what is familiar to stretch into a growth edge, or simply to expand our current ways of thinking and being and feeling.
Each year I create a photobook of memories from our family over the past year, and sometimes I’ve been delayed a few years before creating them. This year I’m actually finished early - I spent the past day gathering the photos and putting them into creative arrangements (on the Shutterfly platform… not an advertisement or a plug, just what I’ve used for years and it is familiar).
Each year, at this time I begin to feel reflective and ponder the lessons, the celebrations, and the challenges of the year and begin to consider what might be possible for the year ahead… and often I find myself starting to think towards next year, but I try to stop myself. First, to be present in the now… and secondly, to not rush away this year too quickly. I have found so much value in taking the time to complete a year end review - through looking at pictures, looking back over my calendar and reflecting on some of the books I’ve read, the teachers I’ve learned from, the friends and communities I’ve found nourishing, supportive and uplifting. There are always surprises when I think back through the year, the “oh yah… I forgot that happened this year…”, both for memories that were beautiful and those that were and are more challenging.
Looking through the pictures from this past year showcase a lot of smiles, many fun adventures, times together and snapshots that hold multiple emotions at once. What the pictures don’t capture are actually how much has changed and shifted this year, and what is not in the photos, all the emotions and moments that weren’t captured by a photo.
I noticed myself going through the motions of life today, as some of the profound shifts landed at another level, but instead of retreating into the place of safety and comfort of home… I felt like I needed to find another place of warmth and wonder. When I’m seeking a place of awe and wonder (and warmth) there is a place that I love to go called the Leaf - indoor gardens with a tropical area, Mediterranean, butterfly gardens, and a seasonal garden (this one was called Birds and Boughs).
Sometimes to be fully present with my emotions, I need to get out of my comfort zone to allow myself to be fully present, and not distract myself by doing other things. And somehow bundled up in the bitter wind also need feel like a place where I could allow myself to process my emotions today… without holding on.
Being in the cold often creates more tightness and holding, and I knew what I needed most was to be present and allow for the release… and warm air and being around flourishing gardens was just the medicine my soul was seeking (and I’m so grateful that a place like that exists that I can visit in all seasons for a mini hour-long retreat).
The warmth, the sounds, the lush green growth all created a safe haven for me to walk through, feeling held, nourished and supported.
And then as I entered the seasonal garden of Birds and Boughs, I was immediately entranced and enthralled by the magical displays of hummingbirds.
The sparkling, twinkling lights reminded me of how much of this year has sparkled and to me hummingbirds remind me to enjoy the moments of sweetness, the nectar of life that nourishes and revitalizes! I felt fully present with life right here and now, and I was captivated by the magic that exuded in that moment.
Feeling the magic, the wonder and the awe, in that very moment also allowed me to be present with the sadness, grief and sorrow that is also very real. I noticed that by connecting with the awe and wonder, also seemed to create space to release the sadness and pain that I was holding and was wanting to be released… and the tears nourish what is desiring to grow and creates more spaciousness and openness to receive what is ready to bloom next…
I found myself captivated by this particular flower, especially as there are less flowering plants at this time of the year - even indoors… but this one really stood out! One of the things that fascinated me most was the bloom within the bloom, and that both blooms are completely different colours! Wow! That is spectacular!
It fills me with so much hope… I don’t know what is coming next, but through releasing tears and honouring and acknowledging the sadness, the grief and the pain that I have experienced, I know that releasing these emotions is an important part of creating space for something magical and wonderous to bloom… and the tears can nourish the growth too!
But what I noticed most today, was that I needed to create and allow space and shift my routines, shift my location and allow some time to shift the emotions that were feeling trapped and seeking to be moved and be released… and this is part of seasons and cycles. Plus it is a Full Moon tomorrow, which is a powerful releasing time - I just remembered that now…
And so it is.
xo