Holding Two Emotions at Once: Lessons from the First Winter Storm That Wasn’t
A Year of Noticing - Day 59
I woke up this morning, and I noticed a slightly giddy excitement rising in me as I crept out of the warmth of my bed to investigate how much snow had fallen in the predicted and highly anticipated first winter storm! I peered around the curtain to see… brown. Not a single flake of snow! Not even frost on the roof… in fact, it was still raining!
I wonder if maybe it is that typically we’ve had at least a few snowy mornings by this time in the year, or maybe because I’ve actually got my winter boots waiting by the front door and last weekend made sure both my children had winter boots that fit… but I feel (maybe) ready for the snow!
And so, this morning, I felt disappointment when there wasn’t snow. I was ready to see a beautiful blanket of white snow covering everything… and as I walked this morning I noticed myself feeling a little glum, and melancholy with the lack of white and all the brown. I allowed myself to be in the disappointment for a bit, but then I also started to enjoy the fact that I felt so warm with my hat and mitts that I could take my mitts off while I was walking. This doesn’t usually happen by mid-late November, and I enjoyed feeling warm as I walked.
Then I started to again notice all the different shades and textures of brown and felt myself shifting out of disappointment and back into more gratitude and noticing how much richer and deeper some of the browns looked when they were wet.
(You can read my in-depth reflections about brown as a colour back on Day 48 by clicking below if you haven’t read that one yet…)
A Year of Noticing - Day 48
Today was a most beautiful day of wandering. A rare November day, where I was able to be out with just a sweater and a vest, with sunny skies and barely any wind. It was actually glorious!
With each step I felt a little lighter, and started to be able to see the beauty in what IS around me, instead of what ISN’T around me… the little bits of colour, the magical droplets of water, the green leaves that are STILL on the willow tree, and the junco finding seeds on the ground (and still here… I wonder how much longer until this little junco finally makes its move to migrate?)
There was even new life growing in the most unexpected place… an old stump had not only fungi growing, but also blades of grass - actually many chunks of grass!
What I noticed today, is when I felt disappointment, I didn’t just move to, “oh well, that’s ok - it will snow soon enought”, but instead I sat with it for a little while, and I noticed that as I connected with Mother Earth, step by step, and bit by bit my feelings of disappointment slowly started to ease, let go, and become a little less and a little less, until my perspective slowly shifted back into what else was true right now.
There was new growth in late fall… in a dead stump! That is pretty remarkable, and I wonder if I could appreciate it even more because I had allowed myself to truly be with and feel the disappointment, and then I could also be with and feel the awe and wonder.. and both can exist together.
… both can exist together… here’s another little flashback to Day 12, and some of my thoughts on how sometimes we can hold and feel more than one emotion at the same time… something to notice and be curious about…
A Year of Noticing - Day 12
I’ve been noticing a lot of pardoxes around me these days… it has hit me in a more profound way this autumn season than in those past.