A Year of Noticing - Day 33
Embracing "What is" and the power of love over force
Today was one of those days, when I stepped out onto the sunny front porch this morning and I noticed how lovely it felt, with so much warmth and coziness of a beautiful fall day. I was eager to get out and go for a walk and embrace the beautiful weather!
As soon as I left the protection of the south-facing, sunny front porch I instantly noticed how cold it actually was and felt engulfed and surrounded by a bitterly cold wind! How was this possible??
Two seconds earlier I felt like basking in the warm sun, and then an instant shift to the bone-chilling cold! I tried to walk with just a vest over my sweatshirt… and by tried, I did! But we did also stop for warm drinks at the halfway point of our walk to warm our bodies from the inside out… I noticed how resistant I felt today to accepting that it was actually colder than I had expected it to be…
This reminded me of two things…
First, in my work with families and schools, I notice how often they simply want or wish a child to behave differently, or do things differently… instead of accepting the reality of where they actually are at the present moment and what the child is and is not actually capable of doing… and then working from that place! I totally do this too!
Today, I noticed as we walked along, how I wished my children were able to walk calming and JUST WALK… but this is simply not who they are! Instead, they often need to run, they enjoy getting into each other’s physical space, they jump, hold my hand, pull my arms in opposite directions, they want to first be close to each other and bug each other and then want to be as far away from each other as possible. The more I fight this reality, the more bothered I become… but then the walk home is somehow almost always more calm and pleasant. By this point, they are able to walk along, side by side. We often have lovely conversations, we notice things along our walk and we fall into a more ease-filled rhythm. This is usually the pattern… and some days I feel more resistant to accepting and embracing the reality of the present moment and instead become filled with desire for something different, instead of embracing simply what IS.
Just as I was resistant to accepting the cold today… and instead of accepting the truth and the reality of the moment, and perhaps going back for some warmer clothes — I shivered most of the walk and felt cold, along with a desire to walk very fast simply to feel warmer!
The second thing I think about on a day like today is one of my most memorable books I had as a child… a book about the Aesop’s fable of the sun and the north wind - both disputing who was stronger. Together they agree whomever can remove the jacket of a passing traveller will determine who is the strongest of the two. The wind howls and blows with all its might, but the stronger the wind blows, the more tightly the traveller wraps the jacket around their body. Then the sun begins to show its strength, gradually shining with more and more warmth until the traveller removes their jacket. The moral being, “Gentleness and kindness are more effective than force.” In other words, love, warmth and gentleness is stronger and more powerful than harsh words or coercion.
Finally, my ponderings link these ideas as I remind myself how I can be both gentle and accepting towards myself, as well as compassionate and understanding towards my children and offer loving and warm guidance to each of them, and each client, and when approach each other from a place of warmth and love — this is where the power is!
I could continue with a deep dive… but I will leave space for your own reflections and connections here… and offer just one final noticing…
There was a soap opera on TV when I was younger called “As the World Turns”… I never watched it… and it might even still be on TV?! But when I am writing some of my reflections and things I notice in a day and where it takes me, I sometimes think I could call these posts instead, “As my mind turns”…
Thanks for reading my musings, and I’m curious what this brings forward in your own noticing…